| i'm afraid.
i'm alone.
i'm unloved. |
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| i'm too damn rational for love. |
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| Find yourself a partner.I hate this phrase.
I'm always the odd one out, and I can never seem to figure out why. At UT orientation, one of the more emphasized topics was relationships and how to go about one's sex life. Sex life? Really? While musing upon the strange amoral cultural phenomenon that is extramarital sex, I was struck with what felt like a ton of bricks.
Most of the orientation sessions dealt with alcohol and relationships, the former of which I simply find gross and the latter of which I may be destined never to find. I've never had a real relationship yet, let alone anything close to sex, and frankly the prospects of me obtaining said relationship aren't incredibly favorable.
It's not for lack of trying, really. I usually smile when I see two strangers holding hands and seeming to have at least a semblance of a good time together, so I'm not entirely devoid of romantic sentiment. Really, I like to see people happy. But lately, I have been more than a bit frustrated with myself and my inability to get to know someone beyond the distant, semi-good friend stage--if even that.
So as I was walking across the UT campus, getting lost a number of times along the way, I thought about all of what I have done wrong during the past 18 years of my life. I thought about my scruffy appearance. I thought about my tendency to fall from my bitingly sarcastic pedestal, such as what is happening right now. I thought about my introverted nature and my inability to make small talk. I thought about how annoying I can be sometimes. I thought about my inherent lack of self-confidence.
No, no, that can't be it, can it? |
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| We're not the same, dear, as we used to be.
The seasons have changed, and so have we.
There was little we could see
and even less that we could do
to stop the ice from getting thinner
under me and you |
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| The EndAnd so my high school career comes to a mostly anticlimactic close...
Am I bitter? Eh, a bit, mostly on account of the fact that I didn't have too many true friends in high school. But who can say they really did anyway?
I'm just tired. Tired, but ready. Refreshed. I say that every year.
Where am I going? The University of Texas. Good school? Yes, but I could have done better had I not gotten caught up in shit during my junior year.
But like I said, I am damn ready. Screw my old repeated failures at life.
I'm exhausted, but I'm ready.
And when it's all over, I'll come back for another year.
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